Teenagers in Charge

Hello Friends,
Hovering helicopter parents? Are you one of them? The backlash has begun as evidenced by Hara Estroff Marano's new book out in April,A NATION OF WIMPS. She offers some suggestions of do's and don'ts for high school parents.
Do let them manage their own lives.
Don't micromanage their time. When they drop the ball, empathize with the difficulty of keeping up with both school work and activities. But keep them in charge, Marano says: "It will motivate them to do better if they know Mom and Dad aren't going to rush in and take over."

What does this mean for the college planning process. Students should make their own decisions about colleges. (of course families need to agree about costs and the expenses of college.)Many times, I see parents second guessing the college lists that seniors select.

If you have done a good job of teaching your son or daughter to be a good problem solver and an independent thinker, then he or she should be able to make a good decision about his/her college plans. When a parent second guesses the college selections, it sends a message to the child that they cannot be trusted to make the really big decisions which then erodes the individual child's confidence. Lack of confidence leads to poor decisions, inadequate problem solving skills, and a delay in mature behavior.

I have seen those characteristics exhibited in students with helicopter parents. Those students are indecisive, are uncertain about their future, do not have specific interests, skills, or likes and dislikes that they can clearly articulate, delay thinking about their future and show little enthusiasm for the many choices for life after high school.

Parents need to provide boundaries, rules and expectations. Within those confines students should be allowed to make their own decisions and determine the steps that will allow them to meet their goals. Parents can be helpful with reminders, suggestions, and encouragement in a format of discussion not micromanagement and second guessing.

In closing, it is wise to remember that life is not always about winning and not feeling discomfort. It is understandable that parents do not want their child to feel discomfort. It is from those feelings of discomfort that we grow. If parents are constantly rushing in to eliminate those feelings from their children's lives, we then will have children who have not learned the necessary lessons for adult development and personal and professional success.

Your College Connection,

Brenda